Down the hill, Down the hill, Thousands of Russians

Fucking Russians. Mother. Fucking. Russians. I'm not being prejudicial here! Seriously, I've got a few Russian friends! I flirt with a hot Russian girl! That doesn't change the fact of Mother. Fucking. Russians.

Over the past year. One year. Not more than one. One. Russia has killed a dissenting journalist. They poisoned a dissenting ex-KGB spy with fucking Polonium. Beta particles up the wazoo, or yin-yang, if that's more your style. Thirdly, they said that, were there a giant asteroid heading toward our lovely planet, they would blow the thing out of the sky with nukes. Do you get why I say Mother. Fucking. Russians.?

This stuff is all out of a James Bond movie, I'm sure. They finally got down to it and have watched From Russia with Love and have outfitted all female government spies with poison-spike shoes. They're just waiting for the British secret service to come crashing in. That's what all this has to be! If it's not, then what is going on in their heads? Is it that the Cold War between the USA and the USSR is over so they have to kill somebody else? Could it be possible that Russia really IS like James Bond books and movies would have us believe? Is Zombie Hitler really in charge? Will Putin use his black belt for nefarious deeds?

Wait! No! The spy was killed to spread dissent in Russia! Wait, wait, something's wrong here. Isn't Russia that country that has had several bloody revolutions in the past century? Seems like that's the one...wasn't that the place that had a horribly oppressive government for much of this time? That seems like a spot-on statement, too. (Keep in mind, I'm not saying that the alternatives are paradise.) Doesn't it seem like, if people are satisfied with this government at all, a spy being killed wouldn't cause much trouble? Sure, sure, it's not a good thing, but if the Russian government killed this spy, that means they killed one dude. Any of the USSR leaders can be honestly said to have killed more than that one. Heck, if the USSR didn't fall apart under Stalin, this shouldn't do much.

That, of course, is logic. The Russian government has decided that, instead of just saying, "Yeah, we put Polonium in his food so he'd die," they'll claim it wasn't them and say that it's somebody with nefarious ends in store for the Ruskies. Right. An ex-spy dying. That's going to topple Mother Russia. For ninja's sake, he wasn't a politician! If Putin gets poisoned, I might agree, but this is an ex-spy. Ex as in not any more! Spy as in secret operative! The fact that he died shouldn't even be acknowledged by Russia. They should say that it's sad that this man, with whom nobody in Russian politics knew on more than a friendly level, died. They should have just tried letting this slip under the radar. What stopped that? Did he have his KGB Decoder Ring on? His official I'm a Fucking KGB Spy papers were in his jacket pocket? It doesn't matter if a spy is currently a spy or not! Spies are not a group you generally consider respectable. James Bond excluded, of course. And then only when played by Sean Connery.

So what are we left with? A dead spy and Russia trying to say that it's not them that did it. So, Russia, please answer us this; who DID do it? If it's somebody trying to topple the government, they're either a dissenter from Russia or somebody who doesn't like Russia at all. That could be...well, most people would be possibly in that category. We can eliminate one, though! Assuming that the food was secretly poisoned, Alexandra Litvinenko was very likely not the poisoner! We have one less subject!

As for the blowing shit up with nukes, Russia really needs to chill a little. I mean, more than they already do. It's cold in Russia, as I understand it. But back to asteroids. If they shot an asteroid with nuclear weapons, it would likely be destroyed as a unit. That means that the one big asteroid is now a bunch of smaller ones. Nice job, Russia. Now, instead of a single strike, there will be strikes all over! Nicely done! Best part of it? Those strikes will carry radioactive particles! It's like a worldwide dirty bomb. Well, it'd only hit one hemisphere, but you get the gist. I just hope that one of the sub-asteroids hits the moon and blows it to hell. I'd like to see that before I die.